Faith

Journal Entry 

May 20, 2013

Harken now to hear my words:

My heart is full of sorrow,

Long have I hoped for help,

Long have I hoped for a miracle.

Will God raise a hand to help

Or allow us to fall down, never to rise again?

I believed in what I saw in my dreams.

I believed that I mattered.

For a decade I have hoped and prayed,

Dreamed dreams I thought contained an answer.

I thought there was a plan.

Now while hope seems to drift away, lost at sea,

I find myself clinging to the life raft of faith.

Lest I sink and drown completely,

The millstone of despair pulling me down.

I find that I never was captain of my own ship.

Not that I ever truly believed I was,

For those lucky few who believe

That they whisper to the wind

And it fills their sails

And to those who can always navigate by the stars

Because their sky is so clear.

I hope it remains so.

Most of us eventually find

We no more control the wind than the tiny grains of sand it drives.

Does personal happiness truly matter?

I am no longer sure.

Perhaps, in no more than a few chosen moments,

For to love means to hurt.

The world is a deceptively dark place,

Where corrupted things creep.

Slowly dying, it longs to lull us all to sleep.

From dust to dust, a weary path we trod.

Like a cat, we chase after flitting beams of golden light,

Building castles upon the sand only to watch them crumble

When the rain begins to fall too hard.

All too soon to find the only thing that remains is faith,

Better hope it has been firmly placed when the mighty gales come calling.