Benched for the Moment

June 14, 2016
Being sidelined sucks! There's no way to pretty it up.  It's happened enough times in my life and I deal with it by trying to see the sunny side up.  What can I learn from it?  I'm no Pollyanna, but as so often in life, things get flipped around and I find myself dealing less than stellar circumstances.

I sprained my ankle yesterday out trail running.  One little misstep and find myself on the couch today trying to rest and ice it.  As many times as I go over the moment in my head, I can't even picture what I stepped on.  As soon as it happened, I was kicking myself because I know what it means: no training for a few days at the least.  Hopefully and I have a race coming up.

As I walked out of the forest, I had plenty of time to think.  I will admit, I am thankful that I could walk out.  It did send all the feelings of vulnerability back.  As a cancer survivor, at I've had my times where I felt I was made of glass.  I've felt fragile.  I've felt mortal.  Even when I am at my strongest, I know how easily physical strength can be stripped away when things go wrong.

Plodding along the way I had come, I had time to take in the beauty of the forest.  When I'm running the trail, my eyes are on the ground.  I miss the complexity of the trees, the deep green of the leaves in contrast with the blue sky.  I found myself thinking about coming back to walk the trails and drink in the details.

 I usually have every step planned out a few paces ahead so I can charge along the path whether it be sand, gravel, roots, wet leaves.  Sometimes I slip, but when I'm paying attention, I can usually catch myself.  I might walk an incline because I don't want to jack up my heart rate or waste energy on a longer run.  Sometimes it's more efficient to walk.  Trail running requires more focus and strategy, making use of the momentum of the terrain, changing pace and stride from near sprinting to stepping wide over an obstacle.  It's totally engaging.

In a sense, it's how I live life.  I am a long term thinker, a planner.  I love thinking about probabilities and problem solving.  And life is sure good at knocking my plans for a loop.  I'd be one of the first to say that despite my best efforts, often things don't go as planned.

One thing for sure, yesterday is a time I wish I'd have skipped my run for a nap on the couch. Five hours of restless sleep does not make a person surefooted, but after getting up at 5 am to drive to the hospital at with my son for an appointment with his rheumatologist, I was seeking some stress release at the end of the day.  Throwing on some sneakers is my way of coping.  I know I need other outlets for dealing with life.  It's not a new lesson.

My ankle will heal in a few days and I will be running again after my little rest.  I really can't complain when I see what my boy goes through regularly.  Hopefully this little hiatus will have little to no impact on my race in a month.  My son's new nemesis is juvenile arthritis.  Most mornings he is stiff and sore and he has days where he doesn't feel like running or playing.  With his doctor's help things are getting better and he's becoming more active again.  Cody's a tough kid.  We keep on moving, one step at a time, living life.  Sitting still and moping doesn't do a thing for you.

While I was limping out to hang my laundry on the clothesline today, I heard a flutter of wings above my head.  A baby robin fluttered down just beside me in a failed attempt at flight.  It didn't stop because his first try was a bust.  It's do or die for him.  A bird needs to fly to survive, so he flapped his pin feather wings and scurried on, hoping to catch the wind.

For me, it's ice and the couch for a few days and then I'll try again.  Running is has been a part of my life for a long time.  It's one bit of continuity I have through adolescence to adulthood and I hope I'll still be trotting along when I am a senior.